Reflecting on the fruits of the Camino, not only do I keep my eyes open to see Providence at work but also, I realized because Providence is at work – whether I see it or not in the moment – I go about life in a different way.
I did not know it until I had to make a big decision; really big.
After coming back from Italy where I spent my vacation, I started to get serious about finding a full time job. Few recruiters had contacted me for different openings, and I had decided to follow up on all of them. Eventually, a couple of weeks after I was back, one of them turned into an offer. I took a good look at it, and let my husband know. I weighed pros and cons and honestly, this offer had the most cons: I was looking for a contract position which paid well, and ended up getting an offer for a permanent position which paid OK. The reasons for my preference were easy: we need money and we need it now since we are not sure where we’ll be going down the line – my husband being a temporary employee and all. Also, we need a lot of money not because we like money (even If I do certainly like spending) but because we have a dream, and we are working to make it happen: adopting a baby.
In short, I ended up being offered the opposite of what I had reckoned would be best for me and my husband. Yet, I did not think twice to accept the offer. And I did it, I now realize, because I trusted reality. That is, I trusted that God works in reality and reaches me in reality, and therefore offers me the path to happiness in reality. I trusted that what happens is not just chance, but Providence; that is, God’s design. I accepted willingly that this must be what I need now; this must be what my husband and I need now to get there where we hope to be, even if my plan looked smarter to me. But the truth is, I don’t really know. So I decided to trust that what happened is the loving hand of God the Father offering me the right path to fulfill all desires – spoken and unspoken – because to me it is still unknown.
This has never really been my way of going about life. I have always been extremely cautious and calculating, trying to control all things involved in any decision. Which produces an incredible amount of stress – and that explains why I have always been pretty exhausted at the end of the day, even when the day consisted in doing nothing at all. While I now find myself being not so calculating – not such a control freak; instead letting go, receiving, trusting what happens, even if it is the opposite if what I planned.
Trust. Isn’t it a synonym for faith?